Making love last
Older couples reveal their secrets for a happy life together
By Susan Nienow CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Page Dowdy/Chesterfield Observer John Boykin often reads to his wife Rita. The couple have been married for 38 years.

Chocolate kisses, red roses and intimate dinners are the symbols of romance in the movies. But in real life, love is much harder than choosing the prettiest box of chocolates one day a year.

So we turned to the "experts" - the couples who have managed to stay together, sometimes for decades, beating the divorce statistics when so many others have failed. We asked them about their most romantic moments and how they've kept their love alive over the years. Here's what they had to say:

John and Rita Boykin
Married 38 years
Donegal Forest

John and Rita Boykin met on a blind date - he was a Richmond boy in the Army, and she was a Pennsylvania girl. Engaged and told he was going to stay in the United States, John bought a new Dodge Charger. They had to move their wedding up when he received orders for Vietnam.

Photo courtesy of Bill Haneke Bill Haneke surprises his wife Karen with flowers and other unexpected treats several times a month.

Rita laughed when she recalled that he shed a few tears when he said goodbye. "I'm not sure whether he was crying because he had to leave his new red car or his new bride."

"We never had any money so we did things together. We have always read to each other," continued Rita. "He's a Civil War fanatic, and he has read all three volumes of 'Lee's Lieutenants' by Douglas Southall Freeman to me - twice."

"For 25 years a picture of generals Stonewall Jackson and Robert E. Lee hung over our mantel until one day when he was out, I took it down and put up our daughter's wedding picture," she chuckled.

Vann and Louan Stanfi eld
Married 47 years
Meadowbrook

Vann and Louan will celebrate their 47th anniversary in July. They grew up in the same community, although, "I never thought of him as a boyfriend until I was in the eighth grade," said Louan. "I thought he hung the moon." The two were high school sweethearts.

"We had our separation when I was in the Army," said Vann referring to the many marriages that don't make it. Louan was in college and then taught for a year while he was in the service before they got married.

"I don't think anything cements a marriage like faith in God," said Louan.

Bruce and Joanne Thompson
Married 12 years
Chester

Bruce and Joanne Thompson both lost their first spouses but not before she enjoyed 33 years of marriage and he, 39 years. "Joanne was the nanny for a neighbor's child," and then became a sitter for Bruce's handicapped son, Terry.

"I proposed at Christmas time," Bruce said. "I gave her a large box that had a smaller box, and a smaller box and finally a jewelry box that had a ring in it."

Joanne remembered that when Bruce got on his knee and asked her to marry him, she cried. His son Terry said, "It's ok. You don't have to marry my dad," in an attempt to comfort her.

Joanne believes that, "A good second marriage is a tribute to a good first marriage." Her recommendation to younger married couples is to respect your mate. "Do what he would like to do - unusual things that would really please."

The Thompsons' 17 grandchildren and six great grandchildren keep them busy just remembering birthdays. They will celebrate their 12th anniversary on Valentine's Day.

Bill and Karen Haneke
Married eight years
Birkdale

The Hanekes love the unexpected special things. Romance for them is a great second marriage, little gifts and laughing a lot. It is respecting each other and finding love when they no longer expected to.

"That man brings me flowers about twice a month, or something small, like my favorite gum when he goes to the grocery store. The thing is that it is unexpected, not the gift itself," said Karen.

"I bring him breakfast in his breakfast room every morning with the paper," she added. The second time around "you overlook things that you wouldn't have in your youth."

They both honor communication and honesty as a vital part of their happiness together. And, Karen added, "We give each other space."

She recommends that couples never go to bed angry and to surprise each other. Karen and Bill often leave cards or notes for each other - in fact, "the Haneke card bunny comes a couple of times a week."