A series on parenting
Part 3: The importance of failure
By Tom Doland CHESTERFIELD SCHOOL BOARD CHAIRMAN

Doland

Did you know that Thomas Edison went broke four times? Or that a newspaper editor once fired Walt Disney for never having any good ideas? Or that the Detroit Tigers lost 119 games three years before making the World Series?

Failure is never fun. However, it is an inevitable and essential part of life. Some of the world's most successful, innovative people experienced many setbacks on the way to success. The common trait these people shared was they never stopped trying. A great deal of our growth in life comes from learning from mistakes.

As parents, we need to show children that failure teaches important life skills such as patience, commitment, determination and problem solving. Most importantly, it teaches children about owning their efforts and the link between actions and consequences. Failure develops the motivation to overcome obstacles. Children must be taught they sometimes need to take risks if something is important to them. As football coaching legend Vince Lombardi once said, "The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task."

Many of the children I worked with in my 30-plus years as a school psychologist probably felt like failures. In reality, they had quit trying. Some had "what if" syndrome, which allowed them to make excuses for not trying. It would be nice if we could put everything children need to know in a pill or have it be a part of the preschool inoculation requirements. But these lessons, sometimes painful, are taught daily one step at a time. Children need to be reminded of the words of President Theodore Roosevelt: "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed."

Here are two ways to recognize if a child is avoiding failure: + Declining to engage in an activity because of illness, forgotten materials or just plain refusal + Creating excuses such as "my teacher doesn't like me" or "someone is not fair"

As parents, it's important to teach our children that making mistakes is normal and okay. Use examples of famous people who are viewed as successful. For example, Babe Ruth was known for his homeruns, not strikeouts. Recognize your child's natural strengths and build on them. Everyone can do something well. And remember, success is best measured by incremental improvements, not by perfection. It should be recognized or judged by the individual, and it should not be measured by someone else's standards.

Tom Doland currently represents the Matoaca District on the School Board and worked as a school psychologist with Chesterfield County Public Schools for 32 years before he retired in 2003.