Loose Ends

I am really not in favor of truth in marriage. When I say, "Do you like this jacket better or this one?," I want my other half to tell me the first jacket is perfect for the occasion even if he likes them equally well. And if he doesn't, I want him to convince me he does.

If he says, "That brown is really not my favorite," then I will never wear it again. Not that he has to approve of every color I wear, but I would always wonder what was wrong with it. I would put that jacket on, look in the mirror and think that shade of brown made my complexion kind of green. So even if it isn't his favorite, it isn't a good time for him to be completely truthful.

When he comes in after golf and says he shot a 29 - or is it a 92 - I always say, "That's great," or if his tone of voice indicates it is not a good time to say, "That's great," then I mutter something about some days being like that. He really doesn't want to hear what I think about a game with birdies, bogies and eagles that starts at 10:28.

When I come in after tennis he is equally agreeable - empathetic if I didn't play well and encouraging when I give a positive report, even if he thinks playing a game with scores of "love, 15, 30, 40 and deuce" is ridiculous.

Truth in spending is also a bad idea. When my other half comes home with yet another drill or screwdriver, I never say, "What do you need that for?" He gets the equivalent of "That's nice, dear." And, it goes without saying that I don't ask how much. Though I'm sure he can see those questions running through my mind because later - sometimes years later - he will mention that having that tool saved us the cost of a repair visit.

This is a two-way street. When I bring home another jacket or another purse, my other half never says, "What do you need that for?" I do, however, mention when I wear it that I saved quite a bit of money by buying it when I saw it rather than having to shop for it at the last minute. Ordinarily it doesn't take me several years to say that. My clothes are not usually in the game for the long haul.

We have never really examined the definition of "need." Some things are better left unclear.

I recently spent several hours decorating a terracotta pot with paint and other art products. One of the little bottles of stuff was quite expensive. When I showed off the finished pot, my other half said, "That's nice." Which means he is struggling not to say "And how much did that cost?" or "What's it supposed to be?"

And I don't ask, "What do you mean by that?" I trust that he is not being truthful, and that is a good thing.