Loose Ends

I watched the fashion segment on a morning show today. They showed three outfits - dressy, daytime and casual. There was not one piece of clothing I could wear on a good day. Who brought back tights? And then they compounded the travesty by putting a mini dress over them.

That was casual. Do they know what would happen if seniors turned up at the grocery store in tights and a mini? Not a pretty picture.

Daytime was a pencil skirt with fishnet stockings. The recommendation was to wear the fishnets - with small holes - over stockings in case the fishnets snag. Then I can take them off and still be covered, so to speak. There are two problems with that outfit: panty hose and fishnets. Probably the pencil skirt, too.

Outfit No. 3 was dressy. It didn't really look like it would translate well for real women. The model wore spike heels that were at least four inches and a sleeveless, form-fitting top over a long skirt slit up one side to mid-thigh. Sleeveless?

I want real clothes. I want the stretch where it will work so I can go out to dinner and still breathe after the last course. And I'm partial to sleeves.

I need shoes that feel good when I walk the whole length of the mall and don't have to talk myself out of stopping at the next shoe store to buy something orthopedic. What happened to cute? I am not too old for cute shoes.

Sometime when I wasn't looking, I crossed the line from "really cute, seriously goodlooking or truly glam" as the first criteria for my shoes to, "ohhhh - these really feel good." So where are they - the snappy looking shoes that I can walk in from the car to the restaurant at the end of the day?

When my other half and I take off for the day, he doesn't understand why I throw another pair of shoes in the back of the car. "I can walk all day in one pair," he crows. His come in two colors - black and brown.

I need excitement on my feet. Passion. Red or bronze or silver. Not all-day, brown, clumpy things. My other half understands passion. A Ferrari generates passion. Well, it's not a fair comparison, but shoes don't cut it for him - maybe because his are either brown or black.

The morning show changed an ordinary top and pants into an out-to-dinner ensemble with just a scarf and the pair of strappy heels I am supposed to have tucked away in my desk drawer. I have tried scarves. A square knot with the two ends hanging down looks like an upside down lop-eared rabbit.

I fought with a silky scarf the other day for a good 20 minutes and just when I got it tied and pinned, I had a hot flash and couldn't get it off fast enough. Fashion is not for the faint of heart.