2018-01-03 / Loose Ends

On the mend

New hip, new year
Susan Nienow

The “Season” is over and a new one begins. It is the new year – and time to kick up my heels and sign up for the local debutante ball. What? I’m too old? But I’m ready now!

After all I just got a new hip for Christmas and have been practicing my moves – except the physical therapists are calling it physical therapy. It’s known as PT to the in-crowd. I suggest they rename it to sound a little more exciting.

I wasn’t going to broadcast this news, but I think someone will notice that I am walking with a cane. Today is graduation day from walker to cane. It doesn’t really happen that fast. I will have to rely on the walker in the middle of the night and maybe first thing in the morning when I am groggy.

Someone suggested I should lay off the drugs. Sorry. My groggy comes from morning, not painkillers. Once I transferred to a cane I needed all my wits about me to handle this third arm or leg.

A friend asked me if it was a difficult decision to have this done. No. Not at all. I had already fired the body part giving me so much trouble. I just didn’t know exactly which part it was. After all, the knee bone is connected to the thighbone and all that. Once I found out what part was defective I said to myself, “How fast can I get this done and be back in the garden?”

Actually it took a few weeks to come to this decision. I had to check out the surgery, the specialists and the procedure. I also talked with friends and acquaintances who have had joint replacements.

It isn’t just deciding to have it done – it’s when. That gets complicated. It involves family, friends and their vacations and holidays, work, and things that particular people need to have done before bowing out of life for a few weeks. That includes dusting, cooking ahead if you don’t have a built-in chef, arranging for help with exercises between the visits from the physical therapist and finding a whole new wardrobe designed to be loose and chic. OK. Just loose.

If you plan it around a holiday you may be able to find fuzzy red pants with Grinches on them in lime green. Your kids and grandkids will love them, they will fall apart soon and you can get rid of them when this “event” is over.

You will also need an assortment of pillows to prop this up, hold that in place and make exercising easier. Don’t forget the icepacks. They are the most fun. Look up directions to make your own with zipper bags, water and isopropyl alcohol. That’s the non-drinking kind of alcohol.

Join the in-crowd and get a new hip. And don’t run into me and my cane taking those corners too fast in the big box stores.

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